she misses ...

  • Khoa: [walks into kitchen to give mom a hello hug...it's been 3 months last saw her]
  • Mom: what do you need?
  • Khoa: nothing, I just wanted to say hello and give you a hug.
  • Mom: [starts to tear up] Khoa....you have to tell your sister to come home. I miss her SOOOOO MUCH. She's my only daughter.
  • Khoa: Ok.........[silently thinking, "wtf. What about me?"
  • Mom: [waves him away]


  • Me: I got Orbitz to email you the itinerary to Ft. Lauderdale.
  • Mom: Good. Call them back and tell them to refund us the difference for the cheaper flight you found.
  • Me: eh? the cheaper flight I found is for a completely different time. Your actual flight is more expensive than when you booked it.
  • Mom: call them anyway and tell them we're old. They might refund to seniors who travel a lot.

red robin

  • Family in Red Robin.
  • Mom: Why are there so many fat white people in here? What is this place?
  • Me: It's an American burger place.
  • Mom: Americans. They eat too much. In-in-Out's burger is perfect, nothing bigger.
  • Me: ok. Let's share the burgers then, so it'll be the same size as the In-n-out burger.
  • .....15 minutes and a few conversations later...mom has devoured her whole half of the Burning Love burger...and 2 bites from finishing my dad's half of his burger as well.
  • Dad: who's the burger devouring American now?
  • Mom: :::grinning sheepishly::: Damn fried onions.

just another voicemail from mom

  • Where are you?
  • I came over to the house and your car is here, but you are not.
  • ..... Why is your car here?
  • Where are you?
  • Who's car are you in?
  • .... What are you doing riding in other peoples' cars?
  • Don't ride in other peoples' cars.
  • They don't know how to drive.
  • ..... What if you all die in an accident.
  • How will we find you?
  • ... I left food on the counter.
  • ME:
  • .... So if i make it back alive, I can eat the food.
  • Me: we are like the tortoise and the hare.
  • Amine: what??
  • Me: the tortoise...he's slow and steady..and the hare bounds ahead. It's a childhood story.
  • Amine: oh. I don't know that story at all. But i do remember reading the story about the turtle and the rabbit.
  • Dad: [sees my spotless kitchen] Did we get a maid in here finally?
  • Me: [points to yours truly] If you think a maid did this, then I did an awesome job. I'm billing you for it.
  • Dad: Bill it to the office so I can write you off.
  • Me: Way to be in tax season mode.
  • Me: this rice cracker is delicious, it’s like crack.
  • Mom: wait till you go to the bathroom later. Damn Mexican chilis.

Mom had been making me smoothies ever since I can remember.

  • Mom: Why are you not using a placemat at my dinner table?!
  • Me: I never understood the reasoning for placemats. It's just another thing to clean after you eat.
  • Mom: are you stupid? what if you get fish sauce all over the table?
  • Me: ... apparently.
  • Me: my goal this Lent season is to learn to make bun bo hue and thit kho from you...and three American recipes.
  • Mom: are you serious? You must actually want to get married.